Waking up to...

This is what I love to wake up to.

Just flowers...

Just two purty flowers from our Mother's Day visit to Chanticleer gardens. That's right, I said Mother's Day. I'm catching up on my insane backlog of photos... I'm almost through the end of May. Go me!

Mexi-dog...

I thought those Taco Bell commercials scarred me from being able to like chihuahuas. This one changed my mind. Mandy and her Molly came to visit, complete with a mini-sombrero brought home specially from Mexico for the little princess. More photos of those shenanigans to come. Look at those ears. How can you not love them? Molly has the funniest little diva attitude. Cue will.i.am... "I got it from my mama." Ha. 

Decked out...

We really like our deck. Like, really like it. It's perfect... big enough for the two herb planters, a tomato plant pot, grill, patio furniture... and will hopefully soon include a new lounger so I can kick back with a good book and a mojito. Living the good life.

and me, being stupidly amused by the fact that I can capture my own reflection in our table. Ha! What can I say... I'm easily entertained...

My Rock...

I don't know what I would have done without this man, helping me hold it all together these past three weeks. He's my rock. And he's not too bad on the eyes either. Bonus!

Bittersweet...

This weekend is bittersweet....

Today = my BIRTHDAY! My 29th. Let the farewell journey to my 20s begin. =)

Tomorrow = Father's Day.

Why?

The question that will never have an answer. Why? Someone tell me the reason for taking my Dad when the pain is still so fresh from losing my little brother 7 years ago. I don't understand. I don't think I can do this again.

Last Friday, May 30, my Father passed away. And it still feels far too surreal to type that. I am completely heartbroken. Shocked. Devastated. Lost. In denial. Grieving the loss of the most selfless man that I've ever known. Trying desperately to hold it all together. They initially told us that it was a heart attack. A few days later we found out that it was an accident at work that is still unclear. And now there are so many questions that closure feels out of reach. I want to say that it's unfair. But it never is fair for a girl to lose her Daddy.

The service was Tuesday. It was a beautiful service and I was overwhelmed by the number of people that came out to support us and to show what an amazing influence my Dad had on their life. What an honor to have a Father that has touched so many. He truly was an incredible man. I feel like I'm lacking the words right now to do this post justice. At the service, I read something that I wrote for him last year, so I will leave it here as a tribute to my Dad...

While many kids have fathers that golf, fish, smoke cigars, and wear ties... I do not. I have a Big Don. To say that he's far from conventional is an understatement. But he's the reason that my childhood was so colorful. So full of laughter. So much fun. He's the only Dad I know that drove a baby blue minivan, tinted, complete with a sound system; amp, sub woofers, the whole works. And he'd come cruising down the street with country music blaring and bass pumping. He'd tell dirty jokes in the most inappropriate of times. He's had a mohawk. He started food fights. He once let us dye his hair purple with grape Kool-Aid, and got angry when it just wasn't purple enough. He drove a Harley Davidson. And then a crotch rocket. I've been lucky enough to witness him sing 'I'm too Sexy' in rabbit-skin briefs and a feather headband. He has a tattoo. He had a tongue ring. He laughs at himself. He enjoys life, and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about it along the way. I think this picture pretty much sums it up... This was his choice of attire for my birthday party. At McDonald's. Now that's classic.
He's everything that other Dads were not. And I adore him for that. I wouldn't change a thing. Because beyond the abundance of humor, he is the most kind, hardworking, selfless person that I know. He was always willing to drop anything to help someone in need. I don't know anyone with a bigger heart.

My Dad was 50 years old. Despite reaching this milestone, I think we all knew he would never truly 'grow up'. And that's just one of the many things that we all love and will miss about him. These are some of the memories I will forever cherish.

I love you Daddy...

Photo credit: Del Sol Photography

Here!

We haven't disappeared! I'm in the process of organizing the millions of photos that we have on our computer. I'm so behind on it that I really need to find a more efficient way to do this. I just finished ordering the photos from our trip to San Francisco in September... so, yeah, I'm a slacker. We've had a great past couple weekends. Mother's Day weekend was wonderful and we got to spend fun times with both of our Moms. Last weekend was fabulous... loooooooove holiday weekends. We need more of them! We went to a Blues Festival/Wine Tasting at Chaddsford Winery. Good times, good wine, a picnic lunch, beautiful weather... happy sigh... But no photos. Kev banned my camera and I was forced to just enjoy my wine and bask in the sun. No complaints.

Chloe enjoying the sun and freedom...

Loss.

Loss changes. It changes your life, your family, your future. Most of all it changes you. To the core. And you can't ever go back to the person you were before. Today is the 7 year anniversary of losing my little brother. I long for my perfect little world back... parents married for 25 years, a brother, a sister, two dogs, two cats in a happily chaotic suburban home. With one piece missing, it all felt so different. So incomplete. So unfair. What I wouldn't give to once again live in that impenetrable bubble of naivety where it just. couldn't. happen. to. us.

Most of the days after the accident are foggy. There's a moment that I remember with striking clarity. My first time in the car alone, I turned on the radio and heard...

And it's a great day to be alive

I know the sun's still shining when I close my eyes

There's some hard times in the neighborhood

But why can't every day be just this good?

And I knew. It's so characteristic of him. While there are many things that trigger memories, this song is significant to me. Every time I hear it, I know it was my brother's reassurance that I will be ok... and his reminder to appreciate life.

7 years. In some ways it feels so fresh, and in some ways it feels like a lifetime ago that I last heard his laugh. How I miss that uninhibited, often mischievous laugh. As much as I cling to the memories, I try so hard to just embrace my life for what it is now. Because with all that this loss has taken, I can see how very much I've been blessed with...

"Sunny days seem to hurt the most
I wear the pain like a heavy coat
The only thing that gives me hope
Is I know, I'll see you again someday..."
~Kenny Chesney

Birthday Party!

Krista had a 1st birthday for Lorenz and 3rd birthday for Matty at the Quakertown Train Station. Fun! The boys are almost exactly 2 years apart... separated by only a day. Could there be anything more appropriate than a Thomas the Tank Engine theme? I don't think so...

Happy Mother's Day!

When we woke up this morning, Kev turned to me and said "Happy Mother's Day." I rolled my eyes at him and smiled. He replied, "What? You're a mother to Chloe." Sadly, I don't think that being a puppy momma is widely acknowledged on Mother's Day. It was a sweet thought though...

Security blankets...

I used to have a Carebear that was my 'security blanket'. It was the brown one with the big heart on it's belly. Tenderheart Bear. I loved that bear... even after it got dirty from being dragged around, the fur got matted down from too much snuggling, and the dog chewed it's cute brown plastic heart-nose off. At 5 years old, I fell on plywood requiring surgery to get all the splinters out of my hands. Tenderheart Bear and I got matching hospital bracelets. I still have that bear somewhere. Despite it's condition, I just can't make myself throw it away.

Chloe has a 'security blanket' of her own. Her soccer ball. I don't know what it is about that ball, but she loves it. She has a whole basket of toys, but the soccer ball is the only thing she wants. She's gone through a few of them by now. Some have been lost due to holes being torn in them, but the majority had to be tossed due to their complete STANKYNESS. Believe me when I tell you, the smell is unbearable. And she loves to play, so she'll bring the ball over and drop it in your lap. You'll pick it up only to find that you've just been stink-handed. This is an odor that lingers and is resilient to hand soap. But you can't be angry because she is just. too. dang. cute. My favorite thing is that she often falls asleep with the soccer ball in her mouth. Like her own little makeshift pacifier. And my heart melts as she kneads her feet, soothing herself to sleep. Love...

Wear Sunscreen...

I came across this video today and it made me a bit nostalgic. I remember it from back in my college days. Wow. Ten years ago. Pretend you didn't hear that. As humorous as it is, there's a lot that rings true. It's interesting to listen to it now after all these years... I can't help but think about how different it seems today than when I first heard it as my 20 year old self. Enjoy these little nuggets of wisdom. I hope they brighten your day, as they did mine!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of '97, Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindsides you at 4 p.m. on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Chorus: Brother and sister together will make it through, Some day a spirit will take you and guide you there, I know you've been hurting, but I've been waiting to be there for you And I'll be there just helping you out, whenever I can.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

Needles...

As I lay face down on the massage table, I had second thoughts. And when the little Asian man told me that some people faint during their first time, I almost got up to leave. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. Maybe I can find a slightly less invasive way to go about this. Maybe I can deal with the vertigo just a little bit longer and if I pray enough it'll go away on it's own.

I admit that I was a cynic. Who ever thinks that being stuck with needles will be beneficial? But I've read on the internet that people who have suffered with vertigo and dizzy spells were helped by acupuncture treatments and at this point, damn near anything is worth a shot. So I forced myself to breathe and hoped for the best. After the first couple needles were placed, I was able to relax. I could barely feel them. Sure, I still freaked out a bit when he parted my hair and I realized, he's going to put a needle in the top of my head! Wha?? But it wasn't that bad! Honest. Didn't hurt. Didn't bleed.

And though it could be the acupuncture, or a coincidence, or a combination of all the things I'm trying... I am starting to feel better and that's really all that matter to me. So I will drink the gag-inducing chinese herbal tea that he gave me, and on Wednesday I will subject myself to the needles once again. I'll take those needles over spinning any day of the week...

This is the needle that had to stay in my ears from Wednesday until Saturday. Freaky, right? They look more terrifying in the photo. In reality, they're only about a cm long.

Happy Friday! Woot!!

I hesitate to say that I'm starting to feel better. Every time that I make that announcement, the vertigo comes back full force and knocks me on my ass. So let's just say that I'm working on it. And I'm trying to keep a more positive attitude about it all. I know that there are people that are far worse off, so I can't whine too much. But it does suck when your world spins for 8 weeks. Ok, enough. I'm attacking this thing with all that I have. I've added the eye doctor and acupuncture to the treatment regimen. More on those fun little visits coming up...

Tulips, revealed! Though not red as I initially hoped, they did bloom into a beautiful orangey-pinky color. Man, I love our previous homeowners. They're pretty good at this gardening business. Makes it real easy for us...

"You know, some people think that dandlions are weeds, but, you know, I always think, who the hell decided tulips were so great?" - Peter from The Family Guy

Mystery Illness...

The mystery remains. Just as I was starting to feel better, I got hit with dizziness on Thursday evening. It progressed into a nasty spell of vertigo causing me to vomit at work on Friday morning (that was fun!) and leave early because I felt so nauseous that there was no way that I could stare at the computer screen a second longer. My mom was a lifesaver and took me to the ER. I didn't know what else to do... it's been six weeks now. An EKG, cat scan and blood work yielded no results. I don't understand... this is so not normal. Our family doctor and the ENT specialist couldn't figure it out. I'm going to the eye doctor on Wednesday... just another thing to check off the list of possible culprits of this awfulness. If anyone has suggestions, I'd love to hear them... I'm up for trying damn near anything at this point.

The two things that are helping me to maintain my sanity...

Adventures in Eating...

Growing up, I was a picky eater. I'm still not all that adventurous when it comes to food options. I'm the kind of person that orders the same predictable entree at a restaurant, without fail. I want to be sure that I love what I'm getting, and I'm not willing to risk disappointment. Not when food is involved. However Kev has introduced me to several things that now top my favorites list. He has opened my eyes to the culinary world, and I appreciate that he encourages me to try new things and discover new favorites. First and foremost is coffee... there's nothing better than waking up to the smell of fresh coffee and spending the first moments of the day savoring a cup with my husband. Second is avocado, guacamole specifically. Kev makes a killer guac. I don't know why I was hesitant to try it before, maybe the green color threw me off, but it has now become almost an addiction. Lastly, is an adventure that we first embarked on together a few years ago... Sushi. Love it. And we're lucky that we found a phenomenal little Japanese place only 10 minutes from our house. Life is good...

Hello Handsome...

Lots of errands to do today... and in the midst of all the running around, I came across this handsome devil...

Ok. I lie. He was along for the ride. I was thrilled when he agreed to play model so that I can desperately try to come up with images for my assignment, due Tuesday. He's a good man...

Home...

I don't think I ever posted photos of our house, other than the ones used for the listing. So here it is. Our first home. And our freshened up garden...

Another baby step into domesticity... I have an herb garden. Thank you, Rose! There is basil, lettuce, spinach, and rosemary planted so far. I think we're going to get another planter and a pot for tomatoes. Please pray for the survival of my plants... I hope they fare better than my (un)lucky bamboo desk plant...

New Toy...

For a week at least. I'm renting one of my dream lenses this week to see how I like it. A Canon 16-35mm f2.8 II. Camera equipment is quite expensive... and since there are three lenses that I'm currently lusting after I thought I'd rent all three and decide which one will work best for me. This is week 1 of my little experiment. While practical in theory, renting lenses could prove to be dangerous... I don't really want to give it back! Of course, Chloe was bribed to model...

Look at that fat cat in the background! I know, I never feature the cats on the blog. They're neglected.